Cigarette:
A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.
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Love affairs:
Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five-day test.
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Marriage:
It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master
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Divorce:
Future tense of marriage
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Lecture:
An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either.
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Conference:
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
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Compromise:
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
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Dictionary:
A place where divorce comes before marriage.
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Conference Room:
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.
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Ecstasy:
A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
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Classic:
A book which people praise, but do not read.
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Smile:
A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
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Office:
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
***********
Yawn:
The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
***********
Etc:
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
***********
Committee:
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
***********
Experience:
The name men give to their mistakes.
***********
Atom Bomb:
An invention to end all inventions.
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Philosopher:
A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
***********
Diplomat:
A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
***********
Opportunist:
A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
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Optimist:
A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway See I am not injured yet.
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Pessimist:
A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY
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Miser:
A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
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Father:
A banker provided by nature.
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Criminal:
A guy no different from the rest... Except that he got caught.
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Politician:
One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
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Doctor:
A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
***********
Boss:
Someone who comes early when you are late and is late when you come early.
***********
Classic:
Books, which people praise but do not read.
***********
Committee:
A group of individuals who can do nothing individually but sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
***********
Doctor:
A medical person who kills your ills by pills and kills you with bills.
***********
Etc.:
A grammatical sign used to make people believe that you know more than you do.
***********
Experience:
The name men give to their mistakes.
***********
Lecture:
The art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to that of the students without going through the brains of either.
***********
Life Insurance:
A contact that keeps you poor all your life so that you can be rich after.
***********
Marriage:
An agreement where a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.
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Nurse:
A person who wakes you to give you sleeping pills.
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Office:
A place where you can relax after your strenuous homely life.
***********
Philosopher:
A man who torments himself all his life to become wise after death.
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Politician:
Someone who shakes your hand before the elections and your confidence after.
***********
Saturday and Sunday:
Are strong days as the others are weak days (weekdays).
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School:
A place where Papa pays and son plays.
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Tears:
A hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.
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